From: Craig Paul (craig@bleedingedge.co.uk)
To: David Shatt (david@bleedingedge.co.uk)


RE: Welcome back! Now focus...

Hi David,

Hope the trip to the Caymans was a productive one? Saw the photo you posted on Twitter of that guy Ian getting teabagged, looked absolutely classic! Anyway I thought I'd just give you a quick run down of the projects you left me with -

Saniflo
I had a long chat with Francis from their marketing department - 24 carat douchebag BTW - and I basically told him there was no way we could do what he wanted for the budget he was tossing about, so I said we'd have to turn down the job. However, the boss then got wind of this and called him back, told him we'd do it for £10k under his budget and that we'd also throw in an iPad app as part of the deal. Total fucking rim job, but what can you do, the boss reckons we need to "put it about a bit" to attract more business from emerging markets. There's no way we can get that translator in now, otherwise we're going to lose money on this, but Pete reckons we can just use one of those free translation sites instead. I did a quick test, I used one to translate some of the Saniflo copy into Russian then back into English, and I think it looks alright:

"Sanibest accepts expenditure and water from WC, a basin, a downpour and the urine trough. Unit powers the engine of high efficiency incorporated with radical macerator by action, powerful enough to consult with casual sanitary items, is an accident from which get rid in WC. It is exclusive unit for sites, where members of the public not necessarily familiar with macerator units, can involuntarily abuse themselves."


What do you reckon?


McDonald's iPhone App
We've made all the changes they asked for, so it should now be fine to put back on the App Store, although we couldn't resist putting a new Easter Egg in there. It was actually Kelv's idea, basically if you score three goals with the same player and you shake the phone, the players do this goal celebration where they all get their wangers out and kind of windmill them about, and it looks like the Olympic rings - Lozza is literally gonna puke his balls up when he see it, LOL!!



Craig


craig paul
project manager | bleeding edge creative
unit 6, grain house
wharf road
london n1 7gg

e | craig@bleedingedge.co.uk
t | 0207 473 7925
@craigypaul1985

From: David Shatt (david@bleedingedge.co.uk)
To: Craig Paul (craig@bleedingedge.co.uk)

Welcome back! Now focus...

Hi Craig,

Welcome back, how was your trip? Saw your photos on FB, Burma looks completely lush. Shame Laurence wasn't allowed into the country, but I guess at least he got to spend some time at the airport.

Anyway, I'm going to cut to the chase, we've got projects on the go left, right and centre, so I need to give you a quick 'blitz resumé' of where we are, we've got a lot to cover off by the end of the week:

Corus
We lost the job. I've taken the bullet on this one.

uFly2Go
'Barry Spence' is actually Kemal Yilmaz, the whole thing was an ill thought-out money laundering operation for a Turkish heroin gang. He did give me a number for a guy in Dalston who sells proper smashballs coke though.

Saniflo
This is a new job that came in while you were away, they want us to put together a branding strategy for the Russian market. Basically I need you to take the concept of hi-spec toilet discharge pumps and turn it into something Boris the oligarch will pump his shady petro-roubles into. No pun intended.

McDonald's iPhone App
This launched last Tuesday. We hit 800 downloads in the App Store before it was pulled by Apple for prohibited content, so we need to make a few tweaks and get it over to Kelvin by next week. We did have a team meeting about it yesterday, but we got a bit bogged down in detail, we spent three hours discussing whether we should change the colour of the burger sauce on the Big Macs from 'burnt sienna' to 'warm ochre'. We decided to leave it as it is in the end, but I'd appreciate your input if you've got a different angle on this.

BTW I'm not actually going to be in the office for the rest of the week, I'm flying over to the Cayman Islands with the boss to meet these guys about the tax thing. Apparently they're a right bunch of lads, so it could be quite a messy few days by all accounts! I'll be picking up my emails though, so let me know how you're getting on. See you on Monday,

Cheers,

David


Sent from my iPad

david shatt
creative director | bleeding edge creative
unit 6, grain house
wharf road
london n1 7gg

e | david@bleedingedge.co.uk
t | 0207 473 7922
@davidshatt55

From: Laurence.Chaftwa@london2012.com (via Lozzzzzzza@gmail.com)
To: Craig Paul (craig@bleedingedge.co.uk)


MYANMAAAAAZINGGGG

Craigy boyyyyyyy!

All aboard the Banter-747, we're totes going to Burma tomozza! I'm literally so buzz right now that I'm practically puking, it's going to be EPIC WIN. Absolument can't wait to get out of London, it is literally the coldest thing ever, LOL. I haven't started packing yet - forward planning's for, like, gays yeah? - but I'm totally blazed, you should come over later and help me finish off this teenth. Dempsey's gone to bed, he's like totally pissed off with me that I didn't replace the toilet seat before my holiday, but whatevs, he's just proper jel that he's not coming to BURMAAAAAAAR. And anyway, for his information (FHI) it's not my fault it's broken, there was literally nothing else in the house that we could have ridden down the stairs on. Top party that was BTW, literally dripping with fanny - LDWF.

Right I'm going to have a quick look at that stuff you sent me about the visa or whatever, but I'm not really worried about it, it's not like they won't let me in to their povvo country, they need my dollars to feed their malnourished kids, ROFL. I've booked the taxi for tomorrow, it is Stansted we're flying from yeah? Whatevs, an airport's an airport, we can always like proper hijack the plane if we get the wrong one - BANTS QA'EDA!!!! looooool

Peace and fucking,

Lozza


Laurence Chaftwa
Head of Interactive Olympian Cloud Marketeering at Locog 2012
London 2012
One Churchill Place
Canary Wharf
London E14 5LN

Electronic Mail: Laurence.Chaftwa@london2012.com
Telephone: 020 3 2012 000

From: Craig Paul (craig@bleedingedge.co.uk)
To: David Shatt (david@bleedingedge.co.uk)
CC: Cathy Montefiore (cathy@bleedingedge.co.uk)


RE: Corus Video

Hi David,

There's good news and there's bad news. The good news is, Sherice has agreed to give me a sub so I can afford the Burma trip without having to borrow any more money off Lozza. Fucking Top Trumps!

The slightly less good news is, Neil came in this morning and he wasn't really keen on the reversioning of the video. Me and Cathy tried to rehash it with a kind of French art house vibe - "Le parkour nu, par Corus" - but the bit where Pete throws up all over his own cock just jarred a little bit with the feel we were going for. I think Neil's actual words were "I'm not paying you cunty bunch of cockwads sixty grand for this crock of jizz". He also said - and this is a fair point - that it has nothing to do with steel, which is literally all they make. Oh and apparently the company changed its name to 'Tata Steel' about a year and a half ago, so the original footage we shot of the African kid spraying 'Corus' over that Banksy mural would have been useless anyway.

Basically, the situation is, I'm literally going on holiday on Friday, so we need to get an ideas hard-on for Quemley to swallow pretty quick, or they're going to get ThinkFist Digital to do the film instead.


Craig

Sent from my iPad

craig paul
project manager | bleeding edge creative
unit 6, grain house
wharf road
london n1 7gg

e | craig@bleedingedge.co.uk
t | 0207 473 7925
@craigypaul1985

From: David Shatt (david@bleedingedge.co.uk)
To: Craig Paul (craig@bleedingedge.co.uk)

Corus Video

Hi Craig,

I'm working from home this morning, Oscar's got tonsillitis, but Jenni should be home at lunchtime so I'll try and make it in this afternoon. Sorry about mine and Pete's absence re: Thursday through Friday, I eventually got to sleep at some point on Saturday afternoon. My nose still feels like I've been rogered in each nostril with a dildo wrapped in sandpaper - I don't know what it was that guy Noz sold us, but it definitely wasn't coke. We ended up deleting all the footage we'd edited over the last month for Corus and recorded an hour of Pete doing parkour along the canal, nude.

I need you and Cathy to pull this one out of the bag today Craig, Neil's not going to be happy with the video as it stands. I'm pretty sure I asked him to come in tomorrow, but it might be this morning, so check what it says in Outlook, I can't access my calendar from here.

Cheers,

David


Sent from my iPad

david shatt
creative director | bleeding edge creative
unit 6, grain house
wharf road
london n1 7gg

e | david@bleedingedge.co.uk
t | 0207 473 7922
@davidshatt55

From: David Shatt (david@bleedingedge.co.uk)
To: Craig Paul (craig@bleedingedge.co.uk)
CC: Pete Kowalski (peter@bleedingedge.co.uk

RE: BurgerBalls App

Hi Craig,

Your timing is prescient, we've just about finished the beta version of the app. Our 'latey' turned into an 'all-nighter' which has subsequently turned into a '48-hour sesh'. I'm so fucking wired it's unreal, I keep seeing ghosts Craig. Do you know anyone near Old Street who can get coke?

Pete's hoover got delivered to his old address in New Cross so he went down there to get it then came back into the office this afternoon, he hasn't slept either. His eyes are redder than the new YouTube favicon Craig, it's epic. I keep trying to take a photo to send you but I think there's something wrong with Siri on my phone, it keeps ringing Addison Lee instead. I'm not just going to give up and use the touchscreen, I'll take it to the Genius Bar tomorrow and speak to Mike about it - I DIDN'T PAY £400 FOR AN UPGRADE TO USE MY FUCKING FINGERS CRAIG.

Do you know anyone around Old Street who might be able to get us some more coke? That's bad news about uFly2Go, I tried to phone Barry today but his mobile was switched off and it wouldn't let me leave a message. Also their website seems to have been replaced by a holding page, so it's not looking great. This is not MegaROFL Craig, if the job's dead in the water then Sherice won't be able to do the payroll until at least 10 Feb.You're alright for money for your Burma trip though, yeah?

By the way, if you know anyone round Old Street way who can get their hands on a bit of charlie, could you let me know Craig? We've almost run out but we're thinking we might just stay a bit later to finish off the corporate vid for Corus, Neil Quemley's coming in next week to see the finished product.

Oh by the way Craig, we found a way to modify the code on the Tranny Time Easter egg, so don't worry. Now it just looks a bloke with an erection, which we thought was probably not as bad? Let us know if you can get hold of any coke yeah Craig?

Cheers Craig,

David




david shatt
creative director | bleeding edge creative
unit 6, grain house
wharf road
london n1 7gg

e | david@bleedingedge.co.uk
t | 0207 473 7922
@davidshatt55

From: Craig Paul (craig@bleedingedge.co.uk)
To: David Shatt (david@bleedingedge.co.uk)
CC: Pete Kowalski (peter@bleedingedge.co.uk)


RE: BurgerBalls App

Hi David,

Only just seen your email, was still feeling really rough last night so I went to bed early and stuck my out of office on, feeling much better now though. BurgerBalls sounds like it's fully pump primed and ready to rock, hope Kelvin and co are happy with it. That 'Tranny Time' thing was Lozza's idea, remember? It's just an Easter egg, it only happens when you score a goal with her, so it should be fine I think?

Regarding the uFly2Go job, I haven't actioned anything further because I saw the article below, my mate Jonno who works in travel forwarded it to me yesterday - think we might have to get in touch with Barry to see if we're putting the brakes on this one -

24 January 2012

Start-up airline ordered to suspend sales

Start-up carrier uFly2Go has been ordered by the Civil Aviation Authority to stop selling seats after the company claimed, incorrectly, that bookings would be protected by travel partner KOC Group's ATOL licence.

The CAA said today that it had not yet approved an increase in the number of licensed sales KOC could make in a year so uFly2Go's bookings were not covered by its ATOL.

The carrier, launched by the founder of failed airline venture HeronAir, started selling flights from Leeds Bradford Airport to Poland and Bulgaria earlier this month.

It claims on its website that the CAA has forced it to stop taking bookings due to a legal dispute with Bristol-based uFly2.com. As previously reported on TravelFerret, uFly2 issued uFly2Go with a solicitor's letter last week in which it requested uFly2Go to change its name. uFly2Go claimed this week the CAA had refused to put uFly2Go on KOC's ATOL until the dispute was resolved.

uFly2Go director Jez Bunting said: "The decision would appear to be a kneejerk reaction by the feckless, anti-business bureaucrats of the Civil Aviation Authority."

However, the CAA said the legal dispute was not the reason uFly2Go had suspended sales. "The name dispute has nothing to do with us," said a spokesman.

"KOC Group has sought permission from the CAA to trade with uFly2Go but we have not yet approved an increase in the numbers of licensed sales they are allowed to make in a year.

"This is unrelated to threatened legal action, and we expect to be able to clarify the companies' position in due course."

Bunting attempted to launch another airline, HeronAir, in 2003 when he was just 16 years old, but that venture never got off the ground.

Passengers who had booked flights from Belfast to Marrakech with HeronAir were told the airline's licensing partner had gone into liquidation.

By Jersey Partridge

MegaROFL @ Bazza Spence!

See you tomorrow,

Craig


craig paul
project manager | bleeding edge creative
unit 6, grain house
wharf road
london n1 7gg

e | craig@bleedingedge.co.uk
t | 0207 473 7925
@craigypaul1985

From: Craig Paul (craig@bleedingedge.co.uk)
To: David Shatt (david@bleedingedge.co.uk)

Automatic reply: BurgerBalls App

Thank you for your email. I am currently out of the office until Thursday 26th January, with no access to emails. If your query is urgent, please contact David Shatt (david@bleedingedge.co.uk). For all other enquiries, I will respond on my return.

Kind regards,

Craig

From: David Shatt (david@bleedingedge.co.uk)
To: Craig Paul (craig@bleedingedge.co.uk)
CC: Pete Kowalski (peter@bleedingedge.co.uk

BurgerBalls App

Hi Craig,

Hope you're feeling better. Me and Pete are still in the office at the moment 'pulling a latey' to try and finish off the revised proposal for the McDonald's app - that Kelvin Gash is really something isn't he! - and I thought I'd just give you an update as I know you're probably picking up your emails from home. Here's an outline of what we've worked up to submit to them tomorrow, I just want to check if you've got any feedback:

Mechanics
- Game to be based on football. Rationale: simple / accessible / maximum demographic reach / Kelvin's idea.
- Game can only be played peer to peer (3G/WiFi), no in-built AI. Rationale: this is much easier to make.

Modularity
- Two-tiered system of 'earned' rewards and purchased upgrades - app is fully transactional and integrated into the App Store. Rationale: we've spent far more time on this than anything else.

Feel
- Fully brandbombed: all avatars provided by McDonald's creative team (no customisation options), the ball is a burger (default is hamburger, upgrades can be purchased all the way up to Big Mac), integrated QR code reader can scan McDonald's packaging to unlock new upgrades, and player can shake phone once during each game to trigger 'Milkshake Madness' (please see Laurence's previous email on this). Rationale: we no longer have any real creative control over this project.

As I say, let me know if you've got any input on the above. We're hoping to get the proposal finished and the software beta over to them later tonight, the developers are still trying to iron out a few glitches though. Apparently there are issues with the graphics code you provided for the avatars, the female Asian character does this weird animation when she scores where it looks like she's got a huge erection. Do you know why that might be...?

Anyway we'd best crack on, hopefully see you in the morning, let me know if you think you'll be alright to come in. By the way, Pete's not going to be in until at least lunchtime tomorrow, he's got to wait around at home for his new hoover to be delivered, so we've pushed back the meeting with Barry Spence to Thursday. If you could give me an update on where we are vis-à-vis the delivery of that once you're back, that would be ideal.

Cheers,



David




david shatt
creative director | bleeding edge creative
unit 6, grain house
wharf road
london n1 7gg

e | david@bleedingedge.co.uk
t | 0207 473 7922
@davidshatt55

From: Kelvin.Gash@mcdonalds.co.uk
To: Kier@esocialmedia.com


RE:


OI OI KEIRON YOU FUCKING SLAG

DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO READ ALL OF YOUR EMAIL BUT LOVE THE PDF - ABSOLUTE LEDGE! I THOUGHT OF SOME MORE YOU CAN ADD TO THE LIST -

- NOSHING
- BAGPIPING
- SPATCHCOCKING
- PUMPING
- HOOVER BAGGING
- SHUNTING
- TROMBONING
- BEANING
- SCRUNTING
- PISTONFISTING
- BASTING
- COSHING
- VALVING
- QUIMMING
- HELMETTING
- COMPOSTING

KELV


Kind regards,


Kelvin Gash

Corporate Liaison Officer
McDonald's UK
London 2012 Official Partner